Chocolate-Influenced Short Stories

How To Turn A Woman Into She-Hulk

A wife walks into her husband’s office to find him on the computer. “Honey, I need you to fix the faucet on the sink. It’s leaking.” She tells him.
“I’ll get to it.” He answers in a monotone voice, keeping his eyes on the monitor.
“Also, it’s time for the cars to have their oil changed.”
“I got it.”
“I have to work late tonight. Will you go to Timmy’s parent-teacher-conference?”
“Sure will.” He says, not once looking away. The wife shakes her head, doubtful he heard anything she said.

The wife finds her preteen son sprawled out on the couch and typing away on his laptop. “Timmy, did you do your homework?” She asks him.
“Yep.” He replies, fingers racing across the keys.
“Did you clean your room like I asked you to?”
“Yep.”
“Did you mow the lawn?”
“Yep.” He repeats again with his eyes glued to the screen. She walks away thinking her son is a miniature version of her husband.

Several days pass and the wife discovers that the guys didn’t do anything she asked them to do. Furious, she finds them sitting at the dining table. Both were scribbling away on printing papers. Crossing her arms, she asks them, “Did you two do what I asked?”
“Yep.” The son mumbles.
“Sure did.” The husband responds loudly. Both continue scratching the papers with their pens.

Angry by their lies, the wife turns to the son, “Is that a bag of weed in your dresser?” “Yep.” The son immediately replies. She turns to her husband, “Have you been seeing our neighbor’s twenty-year-old daughter?” “Sure did.” He answers loudly again as he stamps away on his calculator.

A few seconds of silence later, both the husband and son realize what she had asked them and both are mortified when they look up at her. The wife’s face is red with fury. “What the HELL have you two been doing this entire time?!” She yells at them, “I cannot do everything by MYSELF!” Both the husband and the son exchange glances and turn in their seats to face her.

“You see, honey.” The husband clears his throat, “Your son and I are not happy. We can’t stand it anymore. I really can’t stand it anymore”
“What?…” The wife is caught off-guard. “What can you not stand anymore?”
“This.” He points around the house, “And us. I think it’s best we make some changes.” He says firmly, “You and I deserve a better lifestyle.”

The wife presses a hand to her chest like she has been stabbed with a knife. Unsure of what her husband is saying, she softly asks, “What do you mean? What are these papers for?” She wonders if her husband is going to say the dreaded D-word.

“Please don’t take our procrastination personal.” He softly smiles.

“Then what have you been up to? What are these forms?” The wife begins to tear up. “Mom, please don’t cry. These are not what you think.” The son gets up and shows her the papers. There are charts and pages full of random numbers each dated for certain days of the week for the past several months. They were not divorce papers.

“We’ve been doing a lot of research and…” Timmy pauses to look at his father who is smiling proudly and turns back to her with a large smile, “…I think we found the numbers for the next lottery drawing!”

Both the husband and son high-five each other excitedly, but the wife stands there dumbfounded. “Seriously?” She scolds at them, “When did you two decide to start this idiotic project?”

Her husband responds, “When you gave us all those awful chores, we decided to win the lottery and pay someone else to do it.”

 Daily Prompt: Procrastination

  1. Worm into the bedroom mission continues | weliveinaflat
  2. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | thecommonmap
  3. The Man who Always Worried | Godrick Gnomish
  4. Time Keeps On Slipping…Into the Future | Andante Cantabile
  5. Procrastination | Geek Ergo Sum
  6. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Fasting, Food and other musings by determined34
  7. The Eventual Return of the Masked Procrastinator | Not a Punk Rocker
  8. Underrated | Phelio a Random Post a Day
  9. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Under the Monkey Tree
  10. thesis? what thesis? | FamousFeline
  11. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | littlegirlstory
  12. The Queen Of Procrastination | suzie81’s Blog
  13. A Daily Prompt Poem: Time « Vicariously Poetic
  14. Daily Prompt: Procrastinate | A mom’s blog
  15. Procrastination | Sue’s Trifles
  16. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | My Atheist Blog
  17. Daily Prompt:Putting off | Motherhood and Beyond
  18. Kick-Ass Cake and Delaying the Novel Moment! | alienorajt
  19. To Gym or Not to Gym | Books, Music, Photography & Movies : my best friends
  20. Putting off Me | My Beautiful Breakdown
  21. Daily Prompt: Procrastination « Mama Bear Musings
  22. Daily Prompt: Procrastination « Mama Bear Musings
  23. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | The Daily Post « The Blogging Path
  24. Procrastination | The Ambitious Drifter
  25. Why do today what can be put off till tomorrow? Maybe, I will write this blog tomorrow! | jennifermarshcurtis
  26. “I’ll Admit It, I Procrastinate” | Creative Mysteries
  27. Assignment | ayimas
  28. Procrastination | Maine Forest Cafe
  29. 142. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | kevindeisher
  30. Preview 8/20/13: Shakespeare, Hip-Hop, & Why Radio Sucks | Crown Town Scribe
  31. How long can I really put something off? | Rob’s Surf Report
  32. Laziness is the answer | amateurxpress
  33. Do It Later | Tony’s Texts
  34. Poetry Contest! | Haiku By Ku
  35. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
  36. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | The Daily Post | Emotional Fitness
  37. Daily Prompt: Procrastination SISTA IS DOING IT FOR HERSELF | Phoenix Flights
  38. Red line on my new iMac – procrastination topic | Slow and steady
  39. Procrastination | The Rider
  40. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Things I have learnt today
  41. Daily Prompt – Procrastination | Kate Murray
  42. Time Pox [Daily Prompt: Procrastination] | unknowinglee
  43. Procasti- Yawn. | Blue Loft
  44. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Basically Beyond Basic
  45. Pay Me Now or Pay Me Later | No Facilities
  46. I Love Packing, I Hate Unpacking: Procrastination | thanks for letting me autograph your cat
  47. Procrastination | Purple Rosemary
  48. Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Ruminations from an Introvert
  49. A Treatise on Time (Or, Why I am Doing This Instead of All the Other Things I (maybe) Should be Doing) | The Silver Leaf Journal
  50. Kind of Procrastinating | Kind of a Bum
  51. What if I wasn’t so lazy? | Okay, what if ?
  52. Daily Prompt: Procrastination – It is Earlier When You Think | SERENDIPITY
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3 thoughts on “How To Turn A Woman Into She-Hulk

  1. Pingback: The Squawk of Unopened Books | Expressions

  2. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Procrastination | My Atheist Blog

  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Procrastination | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

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