Brain Farts

Oh No, She Didn’t! Wow, She Really Didn’t…

I was eighteen… and in love… and an idiot.

Of all of the regrets I have, the biggest one is turning down the opportunity to attend Yale University. They were actually willing to pay for most of my tuition and other expenses if I accepted. I could have accomplished my dream of becoming a published author sooner. But I turned the offer down. I actually refused it.

Why?

Because I was eighteen, in love, and a major idiot.

My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and half before Yale delivered the opportunity in a form of a letter. My dumb ass was too focused on my future with him and writing over anything else. Yale was not going to be part of my future and I made sure of it.

Another reason why I didn’t want to go to Yale was because I was tired of school. During that time, I was not interested in going to college at all. I wanted to travel the world and write about my experience. I was considering applying to be a flight attendant.

The consequence of not going to Yale followed a year later. My boyfriend got football scholarship offers outside of state and he was considering going. I wanted to move with him but there was a lot of “beating around the bush” on whether he wanted me to move with him or not. I did the occasional guilt trip about how I gave up Yale to be with him so he wouldn’t move if I couldn’t go.

My idiot side also expressed that I was ready to be with him long after high school. I wanted to get married young and have babies in my early twenties. That was what I wanted. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. But that was what he didn’t want. I stayed in denial about his feelings and convinced myself that he will change his mind in time.

Shortly after his graduation, everything went downhill. We were more opposites than I had realized. We had different goals in life. I wish I had better communication skills, more maturity, and rationality to talk to him about this. He and I could have met on common ground or separated in a peaceful, not destructive, manner.

But it didn’t happen because I was then nineteen, heartbroken, and knew I was an idiot. I held a very nasty grudge.

When I think about Yale, I think of all the things I would have missed out on here in my hometown. I would have missed out on my best friends, adventures, life experiences, the invaluable work experience, and even the lessons from my loves and heartbreaks. Maybe it was a good thing that I didn’t go or maybe it was a bad thing. I’ll never know.

What I have learned from this is that the only person I can blame for not going is myself. It wasn’t my then-boyfriend’s fault. I should have considered what was best for me and my future as a brand-new adult. I never thought I would say this but he and I were just babies. Wow, that statement made me feel old. Basically, it’s a lesson learned and time to move forward.

Now, I’m twenty-five, in love with myself, and crazy. I couldn’t ask for anything else.

 Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

Check out these other stories about regret:

  1. I have lived a blameless Live | A Teacher’s Blog
  2. The Living Eulogy Experiment | contrailsonmyheart
  3. Adam asmaca | pesrevsanatpesrev
  4. The last time I lied | Miss Moiety
  5. Regrets: Repost and Share | J. M. Tompkins
  6. Who Are These People? | Conversations
  7. Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | Geek Ergo Sum
  8. Well you don’t know till you try, right? | thoughtsofrkh
  9. What I was and what I am | Right Down My Alley
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  24. Regrets, I’ve had a few: Where Do I Belong? | The Story of a Guy
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  30. Ain’t Got No Time for That. | unblockedwriter
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9 thoughts on “Oh No, She Didn’t! Wow, She Really Didn’t…

  1. Like I said, forehead slap. 🙂 So glad that you are where you are now though! Best wishes for a great future and for continuing to put aside the wouldas/couldas/shouldas.

  2. Pingback: I’m not what I was | I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning with a Craving

  3. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve had a few | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  4. I wrote a really long post for today’s daily prompt then promptly deleted the whole thing. Regrets are too depressing to think about. Until I get an undo button I’m going to ignore it like it isn’t there. Look away Molly, Look away…..

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