I was eighteen… and in love… and an idiot.
Of all of the regrets I have, the biggest one is turning down the opportunity to attend Yale University. They were actually willing to pay for most of my tuition and other expenses if I accepted. I could have accomplished my dream of becoming a published author sooner. But I turned the offer down. I actually refused it.
Because I was eighteen, in love, and a major idiot.
My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and half before Yale delivered the opportunity in a form of a letter. My dumb ass was too focused on my future with him and writing over anything else. Yale was not going to be part of my future and I made sure of it.
Another reason why I didn’t want to go to Yale was because I was tired of school. During that time, I was not interested in going to college at all. I wanted to travel the world and write about my experience. I was considering applying to be a flight attendant.
The consequence of not going to Yale followed a year later. My boyfriend got football scholarship offers outside of state and he was considering going. I wanted to move with him but there was a lot of “beating around the bush” on whether he wanted me to move with him or not. I did the occasional guilt trip about how I gave up Yale to be with him so he wouldn’t move if I couldn’t go.
My idiot side also expressed that I was ready to be with him long after high school. I wanted to get married young and have babies in my early twenties. That was what I wanted. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. But that was what he didn’t want. I stayed in denial about his feelings and convinced myself that he will change his mind in time.
Shortly after his graduation, everything went downhill. We were more opposites than I had realized. We had different goals in life. I wish I had better communication skills, more maturity, and rationality to talk to him about this. He and I could have met on common ground or separated in a peaceful, not destructive, manner.
But it didn’t happen because I was then nineteen, heartbroken, and knew I was an idiot. I held a very nasty grudge.
When I think about Yale, I think of all the things I would have missed out on here in my hometown. I would have missed out on my best friends, adventures, life experiences, the invaluable work experience, and even the lessons from my loves and heartbreaks. Maybe it was a good thing that I didn’t go or maybe it was a bad thing. I’ll never know.
What I have learned from this is that the only person I can blame for not going is myself. It wasn’t my then-boyfriend’s fault. I should have considered what was best for me and my future as a brand-new adult. I never thought I would say this but he and I were just babies. Wow, that statement made me feel old. Basically, it’s a lesson learned and time to move forward.
Now, I’m twenty-five, in love with myself, and crazy. I couldn’t ask for anything else.
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