Brain Farts

I’m Not Yo Buddy, Guy!

Want to earn a lot of friends? Open a business. Now expect to hear from people outside of your social group, i.e. high school friends, distant relatives, old work buddies, and even that one person, who you only met twice your whole life, will come walking in like you two have been friends forever.

Isn’t it awesome when everyone suddenly wants YOU to be THEIR friend?! Like you are some celebrity or hero or something Guess what…. WRONG

About 98% of these folks are nothing more than what I call “con-buddies.” These fakey-bakes will come up to you all “happy to see you” and compliment the hell out of your business and offer to help in way to manipulate their way onto your Trusted Friends list. Then when you least expect it…BAM! An imaginary friendship card gets slapped on the counter like it was issued to them from Sam’s Club and they are expecting all sorts of benefits from you because you’re FRIENDS now. BFFs for life, yo!

Whoa, what the hell right?! You think, “But I thought we were friends?” HA! Fooled you!

Worst of the worst: Fear the “con-buddies” who demand for you to ask them for help. IT’S A FUCKING TRAP!!! Don’t confuse their pesky “offering” to help you with volunteering. And God forbid you don’t firmly tell them you don’t need their help because they will be relentless. They will push, and nag, and at some point, will beg to help you. They may literally try to go behind your back and “fix” something around your store because they believe you would eventually ask them to as a favor. THEN they will claim that they helped you with your store like you couldn’t live without them and immediately expect more perks than a Capital One card. By helping you that one time, suddenly their imaginary friendship card turns platinum and “con-buddies” have been known to ask for outrageous shit, like requesting to pay only the wholesale value of their purchases.

By the way, if you are too foolish enough to give one “con-buddy” a friendship discount, be prepared to share the love because other “con-buddies” will want the same damn thing and will harass you for it. Like bunnies, these discounts will multiply and  you’ll be losing money faster than you can make which can be detrimental to a brand-new business.

The number of people who have done this to me and my business partner is pretty alarming and our guard has been up ever since. It’s hard to trust people who suddenly want to be your friend when in reality they are allowing YOU to be THEIR friend. 

I’m not saying all people who pop up like this are “con-buddies.” We’ve been blessed to have some we can actually trust and don’t charge us an arm and a leg for merely moving a couple of tables around. The purpose of this post is to warn future entrepreneurs about these types of people and how unhealthy they are to you and your business. 


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